One Fucked Up Excuse For A Mother And Grandmother

***Disclaimer....some of what I'm about to write might seem unreal to those of you fortunate enough to read this. These words that are about to flow from my head is things that have been in me for years. I'm about to let you deeper into LoKee's World....if you feel you cant handle it, then bow out gracefully, I won't even be mad. I don't know how much I'm about to let out tonight, might be alittle, might be alot***


How can you call yourself a mother? A grandmother? You have two children and only give a shit about one. Two grandkids and don't care about none. Years of going through this shit, you always making a difference between me and my sister has done nothing but destroyed me. I never thought a mother could do the things to her child that you have done to me. Granted Im not going to sit here and say that I have been the perfect poster child for good behavior, I have raised my share of hell. But there is so much that you have done to me in my life that I know damn well I didnt deserve.

I think you have despised me from the moment I was born...because I look like the man YOU choose to lay down with...that shit wasnt my fault, I didnt come to you and tell you to pick him. I didnt ask you to bring me into this world. Your duty as a mother was to nuture and care for me, make sure I stayed on the right path and made something great out of myself. But instead of you doing that, you always degraded me telling me I would never be shit, just like my daddy.

Did you not know how much that hurt to hear my mother, the woman who birthed me, say those harsh words to me, a child no more than 7 or 8??? Did you not know that those words alone was the foundation of destruction for me? Apparently you didnt, you didnt care about how I felt, what happened to me or anything else.

There are so many things that I remembered that you did to me or allowed to be done to be, its one of the reason why I have a few fears now....me the one that has always been fearless...so I thought. Its funny how things you do in your adulthood triggers those fears from your childhood that you thought was long gone and forgotten.

I've been burned, beaten, knocked unconscious, mistreated and abused...but through all of this, I managed to become a strong woman, stubborn as hell but still standing strong no matter what gets thrown my way.

I pray that I be a much better mother and grandmother than you will ever be. I pray that I turn into something far better than what you turned out for me. My kids and grandkids and great grands if I'm blessed enough to be here, will love me, because I will love them, will never make a difference out of either of them. You should slap the shit out of yourself for wishing anything but the best for your kids. That just goes to show you that every woman is not cut out to be a mother....To be continued....