Untitled For Now....

I never thought I would fall in love again. But somehow you managed to come in and steal a piece of my heart. The only thing about that is...I'm not sure you know what to do with it.

At times its fragile, and it causes me to show that softer, more feminine side of me...a side that doesn't come out too much because I have been hurt so many times before because of it, a side that alot of people can't handle or take for granted.

Other times its cold as ice, making me have that uncaring attitude, where I could care less about anything and anyone. That "I don't give a shit about you because you don't give a shit about me" attitude.

I'm not that kind of person...never really have been. But through the years I have opened up and let someone into my world and they have came in and crushed it, made me feel so meaningless and very unwanted, not appreciated and definately not loved.

Sometimes I sit back and wonder if its really worth all of this? Is it worth me shedding so many tears? Is it worth me feeling like my heart is breaking in a million pieces? Is this the kind of attention I deserve? Or do I deserve someone that's really going to take my best interest to heart? These are some of the questions I ask myself, sometimes weighing the pros and cons of things. Alot of the times I come up with more pros than cons...other times I just want to say forget it.

The few times that I felt like saying forget it...my heart stepped in and overpowered what my brain was thinking. Sometimes thats when you can tell that what you're feeling for a person is real, that you're not fooling yourself.

But at the same time, what do you do when you feel like that affection is not being returned to you? I think the fear of never being loved the way I not only deserved to be loved, but want to be loved will never happen. That I will continue in this chaotic world searching for that one thing that I feel I am so much deserving of.....pure, unconditional LOVE......