Always

I ALWAYS thought I would have this perfect life...perfect job, perfect man, perfect house, perfect kids. But it didn't turn out that way.

I ALWAYS thought that I would be this person that everyone loved, cherished, enjoyed being around, but that didn't work out the way I had planned either.

I ALWAYS thought I knew how to love, how to appreciate that one person who deserved it, show my love and affection to him in ways he only dreamed of..the problem wasn't me though, it was.....him.

I ALWAYS thought that if I was the "good little wife" that he would love me...the way I once loved him...that he would ALWAYS be my shelter in the middle of any storm....but it didn't work out that way.

One day I had to open my eyes and realize one thing....that I can't ALWAYS please someone, that I can't ALWAYS make someone love me the way I love them... that I can't ALWAYS forget about me just to make them feel better about themselves. That I needed to break free from the monotonous path that I had chosen so long ago...

It was time to start trying to ALWAYS think about me first...do a lot of the things that I ALWAYS wanted to do. ALWAYS love me and not expect another to do so. I have given so much of my love...that I NEVER get back as much as I give...I've ALWAYS seemed to attract the nonchalant ones...the ones who want you to ALWAYS break your neck for them, but will not break a nail for you.

This is just a piece of what's going on in my head....not necessarily true, but not necessarily false either....more to come soon...